YOU have to.

I’m sorry if you think that I am selfish. I hope you can see what is in my heart. I wish you could read my thoughts and my heart. But you can’t. You never have. I guess I keep calling you because I want to know that you’ve have moved on. I also want some closure between us.

I loved you. I was young and naive. I thought I was incapable of love but you taught me how. I loved you. When I was with you and when I was enveloped in your love, I always thought about you. Every day for several months, I’d say a prayer. I’d think of you.

It is true. When we were together, you were all that I thought about. You were all that I cared about. I may have a hard time expressing my love but you melted my heart. Somehow you did. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I never knew what love was until we met. I never thought I was capable of that kind of love. Similarly, I never thought that I was capable of so much hurt and bitterness.

When I say I loved you, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you anymore. You have touched my heart in ways I can never imagine. I think once you love someone, you are marked for life. You were once part of my life and I would carry that with me for the rest of my life.
I don’t know if you can fully understand what you did to me. I know I’ve been cruel to you. I know that I’ve hurt you. I know it is not right to hurt someone intentionally but I thought that since you’ve hurt me, I want to hurt you back.

I guess I always wanted you to love me and to continue to love me even if we’re no longer together. So I admit, that part, I’m selfish. I wanted to go to sleep at nights knowing that somewhere out there in the world, was a guy who loved me and who thought of me. But when you told me that you were seeing another girl, I felt so sad. You had stopped loving me and have moved on. It’s what I’ve always wanted for you but I guess I was not prepared how much it would hurt. It hurt. It really hurt.

But at the same time, I was extremely grateful that you had found someone else. It allowed me to realize that our relationship had ended. That it was time for both of us to move on. And that it was time for me to stop believing that someone out there in the world was a guy who loved me.

I won’t ever forget the kisses that you gave me. The sweet kisses. There’s one indelible memory of you and me together. I would never forget that. At that moment, I felt most loved by you. And I still hold on to that memory when I feel lonely. At least, I could say to myself that once upon a time, someone had loved me. And that’s what I’ve always wanted from you. To be loved by you.

In a way, you have taught me how to love. Love should be about the simple things. Love shouldn’t be about the grand romantic gestures. It shouldn’t be about giving flowers or giving chocolates. Love should be about the simple things– to profess one’s love to someone, a simple kiss on the forehead, a touch on the hands, a kiss on the shoulder. Love should be about the simple things. You’ve taught me that.

I know you will love again. I know you will learn to forgive me. I know you will learn to forgive yourself. I know you will love someone else. I feel sad that someone else will receive your kisses. I feel sad that you will be holding someone else’s life. But love evolves. Love grows. And you shouldn’t just allow your heart to feel love just once. Love is meant to be shared

I hope you can hear what my heart is saying. I wish you could read my mind. Because right now, there is no bitterness and sadness in my heart anymore. There’s only hope.

It was a painful relationship. More painful than anything I’ve ever experienced. But I learned a lot from it. I learned that when it’s not the right relationship, it just isn’t the right relationship. I think I’m ready for a brand new relationship. The kind of relationship that just feels right. And this time round.. let's just give each other a second chance..can?